Monday, December 31, 2007

goodbye 2007

It was a colourful year; smiles, laughter, sweat, tears, hatred, anger, forgiveness, conflicts, understanding, friendship, love, mistakes, accomplishments, everything!

Talk about new year resolution, honestly, I can't really recall my azam 2007. But, a friend of mine remind me that one of them was to be more in control of my emotion. It was so broad of a definition. In one way, there are things that I am more able to control. In other way, there's still room for improvement. Many big rooms should I say...

All in all, I am proud and happy to say that 2007 was better than 2006... alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah. Still, I need to improve a lot of things. What are my new year resolutions for 2008? Hehe, yet to be discovered...

I leave 2007 with cough, sore throat, myalgia, chest pain and more-than-a-week plumbing problem in the house... and I need a good rest tonight.

Old year out, new year in... I'm opening the door for a better & more meaningful life!

Good nite~

Friday, December 28, 2007

the jewish phenomenon

This book was written by Steven Silbiger where he outlined and discussed the 7 secret of Jewish successes. More important, Silbiger makes clear that these seven "secrets" are not secret at all and are equally at the disposal of Jews and non-Jews alike. The amazing success of the Jews simply proves that they work. In The Jewish Phenomenon, Silbiger takes readers—Jewish and non-Jewish alike—beyond the myths and stereotypes and identifies and explores the seven core principals of Judaism that have led Jews to success in business, law, finance, media, entertainment, science and the arts.

His seven principals, outlined in detail through seven chapters of his book, include:
1) Understanding that real wealth is portable; it's knowledge;
2) Taking care of your own;
3) Finding the right career – as a professional or entrepreneur;
4) Learning to be selectively extravagant but prudently frugal;
5) Taking pride in individuality and encouraging creativity;
6) Developing your chutzpah, your verbal confidence; and
7) Being psychologically driven to achieve.

This book was mentioned by Dr Azlisham Mohd Nor in his talk What Makes A Great Muslim Student on November the 3rd 2007 at ICCI Clonskeagh. He is our President of IMAM UKEire and also a Consultant Neurologist and Head of Cerebrovascular Service & Research United Kingdom.

I have not found let alone read this book. It cost about 24.00 USD (that's what the website told me). May be I can consider this to be in my reading list... someday.

p/s: prioritise!

my reasons

Why do I blog? Being me, I would rather doing nothing than do something non-beneficial. The idea of laziness was and still so profound, dictating my action again and again... But, why do I blog?

The initial reasons were: first, I am in the need of improving my English. Mostly my speaking skills but I think it was a good idea to start with my writing skills since it has been a long time for me not practising my written English (yes, except for those dry academic purposes)... I believe I don't have to explain why I do need to acquire these skills. Those who know my current situation, my background and my personality will agree.

Secondly, I need to let go. There are times I felt like my chest gonna burst with emotions that I could not express very easily. I have to admit that not all my emotions are valid. Some of them are real, some are just exaggerated, and some are simply childish! But, I have to manage my emotion. It's ruling me... too bad, I'm a girl.

Time passed, people change, I change, even the reasons may change, new reasons added... world change because we, human beings are dynamic, more than able to cope, to rule.

Progress always involves risks. You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first. ~Frederick B. Wilcox

the wall of shame?

It is ten in the morning. The second day of my return from PUISI and day 14 of my winter holiday. So far, I enjoyed my holiday. I am almost satisfied with what I've done during the hols. Ah, definitely the reality is so far from my utopia, but that's what I did, being me.

Next, I want to lay my action plan. My new year resolution... Ehem, I should get very excited about this. Even though this is not the first time I plan for a new year resolution, this year and next year, I want to take it seriously. Really serious that I won't forget it by February! Ahaha... pity me, I honestly can't recall my 2007's resolution (did I have one, erk?).

So, what I'm going to do is to put it on the wall. Considering myself as quite private person, I had a discussion on this with a friend of mine on the bus to Mount Melleray last week. She suggest that I put in on the inner side of my cupboard door... Then I was thinking, is it sooo bad to have a new year resolution, to be a better person, that I should be ashame on it?

I leave it here...

To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. ~Bertrand Russell

Saturday, December 22, 2007

what's your colour?

I need to come to accept that a person is not as simple a colour. Not even close to a shade of a colour. He or she MUST be far more complex than that. All colours of the rainbow, blend together in a special way, to create an individualised pattern, like our own fingerprint.

Ah, obvious as it may seem... That was he fact that every mature being know. Hehe, there come my excuse; I'm not mature yet. It's like you think you understand something until you are challenged. That's why we have exams in school. To actually differentiate those who truly understand the gists of the study from those who understood wrongly, just pretend to understand or simply don't bother at all.

This simple understanding in fact can have a significant impact in our social life as a whole. Needless to say, it affect the way we interact, the way we view and handle a relationship, and it even influence our communication policy.

Most importantly, our understanding of a person's personality may largely influence the way we view ourselves; our past, our present and our potential that can be our future. And, this is crucial as what we see is what we get.

What we see is what we get.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


10th of Dzul Hijja is another celebration for us, Muslims around the world.

Tomorrow is Eid ul-Adha or I usually say it Aidiladha. To be honest, I never truly celebrate Aidiladha deep to its meaning. Maybe because I was too young to understand before, then when I got older, I was so involved with the preparation at my kampong that I did not celebrate what I'm preparing for, then I flew to Dublin, also distracted to attend some other things somewhere else.

This year, I am on holiday and I'm home (I mean my house in Dublin). So, I want to celebrate Aidiladha. Celebrate it the way I want it to be this year. I want to do something for the Allah during the Eid. May my deeds accepted.

Another thing.

We decided to cook something for the Eid. It started out as a simple 'nasi goreng'. Hehe, mind you, we only cook dinner most days. Other meals? Bread and butter, chips, or maybe sandwich...

So, what's the menu turned out to be? 'Nasi ayam' and caramel pudding. Not as fancy as you can get back home (Malaysia) but it was an effort since all my housemates have classess tomorrow. Pity Kak Zura, she was so sleepy towards the end of the mini 'rewang'. She must be very tired from the hospital. And Kak Niza, a bit reluctant initially but she stayed till the end, give the first time try on caramel pudding. And I? Did as a junior would do... 'pemerhati berdaftar' and happily lend a hand whenever needed. And, I learn.

~Happy mood~


Monday, December 17, 2007

are you afraid of the dark?

The clock is spinning. Somehow I believe it spins faster these days. Everything seems to change their definition of moving. No more leisure stroll, things simply run. Even my heart seems to keep up with the world. It pounds faster. I can hardly distract myself from every beat it makes. At least it does show something..."Alhamdulillah, I am alive."

But I felt left out. Time is running up. And I am still indecisive upon my destination. Where am I heading to? What do I really do with my life?

I am scared. So scared that I can't make any good of helps offered to me. It's like saving a struggling drowning person. And it takes long. Longer than I can bear. So long that I keep forgetting what I've been struggling for. And each time I recall, I became more afraid than ever.

How do I save myself?

This was not a new question. A question I had not been able to answer satisfactorily. Until this very day, I keep searching for an answer. The answer that I can hold on to, that I am able and will continuously able to hold on to for the rest of my life.

It's not easy. In fact, some days it becomes harder and even more blurred than it had been. I was lost, and every time I thought I have found some lights... I got a black out.

I think. I read. I observe. I write. I speak out.
But I am left in the fog most of the time.
May I just let go and go..?
No. Not yet.
Not yet.

Fear is a darkroom where negatives develop. ~Usman B. Asif

send me to the sky

I watched a few movies this weekend...

Nana Tanjung. Enchanted. Mancari Arah Kiblat. A Walk To Remember.

And I left exhausted!

Not so much from the sitting down, keeping my eyes open upon the monitor screen and waiting for them to download when the connection was a bit slow (I have to be very grateful here that the broadband service we take is worth paying)...

My head spins. I'm tired thinking of so many diverse issues that the movie producers are trying to feed me, and the whole wide world. So? Argh..!

Can't I just keep to myself? I don't want to think. It's tiring. I hate it.
But it's me. I love to think and daydream eversince I can think. Thinking makes me sad, depressed, dissappointed... it is the pessimist mind I'm having here.

But you know what?
I am changing. I have changed. A lot. You have no idea how bad things were. A few steps ahead and I'd be grant. If I can continue fighting over this devil, one day I'll be flying. And I definitely more than happy to send other people (especially my love ones) to the sky...~

Good Luck!

the tension of opposites

"Have I told you about the tension of opposites?"
The tension of opposites?
"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn’t. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted. A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."
Sounds like a wrestling match.
"Yes, you could describe life that way."
So which side wins?
"Love wins. Love always wins."

It was a conversation between an old dying professor (Morrie Schwartz) and a long-lost student (Mitch Albom), recorded in a biography I mentioned a few days earlier... Tuesdays with Morrie.

Indeed it was a beautiful book. I won't take it as a life guide but it is a book worthy to ponder upon. I believe things are the way we see it. Our brain can only tell us what we believe to see. And our mind is as complex as our brain. So, start with an open mind and enjoy the journey this old man wanted to share with us. A painful journey where suffering just became more intense and a deadly destiny awaits... but he did not stop giving. Because he believes, giving makes us living.

Learn with an open heart, you never know which bit will touch and move you.

Love wins. Love always win.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

it's shopping time!

Exam is over. Don't want to talk about it...yet. Surely I have to do my own 'marking' over my effort during the Michaelmas i.e fall term. Ah, 'fall' term?

But now, it's shopping time.
Take it literally. Take it deeply.
I'm on my way...

Realising the limited money & 'money' in my purse, I've got to plan as wise as I can. Hm, doesn't sound that wise, am I? What I'm trying to do is sensible buying. If the sale doesn't suit me, don't buy it... regardless of how appealing it is. See, it's easier said than done.

p/s: I got my long-hunted book: Tuesdays with Morrie. Bought it yesterday and I'm halfway through. Ehe, sometimes you just got to feed your addiction :x

Morrie said,
Shouldn't the world stop? Don't they know what has happened to me?

...more to come~

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

the impossibble

I literally speechless after reading this article:

Praise be to Allah. It's beyond my imagination how would I do it if it ever happen to me. It was definitely very easy to just let go. But, yes...
You can't go through life quitting everything. If you're going to achieve anything, you've got to stick with something.
... how true the saying is.

Even Albert Einstein once said, It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.

We got to win over our own doubt, make belive that something is achievable and go out to make it yours. Move! Move!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

what money can buy

You met a long lost friend in the city, looking happy and presumably successful. He wear stylish clothes and drive the latest model of ever-expensive car. "Ah, if only I could have those."

But, would you pay the price?

He paid the price, he's wearing his hard work. You could do the same if you want to. The truth is we would go as far as we can to get what we really want.

The secret is, you've got to really really really want it. Your desire can drive you further than you could imagine.

Some people even had to pay a higher price than we have to should we want the same thing. But, what makes them got it? They don't wait for a cheap bargain. Buy it at the price it costs. Easy said than done, yes.

The last thing we want to happen in the end is, even we ourselves cannot understand why we had been so stingy to spend the 'money' which could never be kept for future use. C'mon my dear, you might as well spent it for a good cause!

I personally like this one:
Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use. ~Earl Nightingale

Monday, November 26, 2007

medicine is bitter

He conquers who endures. ~Persius

It's not too early for a reflection. How far we have reached, how much we have achieved, how big we have grown...

Our friends are the irresistible parameters. It is not uncommon to compare yourself with your collegues. While some people just cannot accept the idea of comparing ourselves with each other for the argument that it will only create unnecessary tension between people, it does have the good side of competition.

It should be a win-win situation in the first place. This is the game that nobody should lose. If you win, the only loser is the fear or laziness or anything bad within you. After all, you should only be competing with your own self. This will save us from all the social diseases like inferiority, jealousy, etcetera...

Do not disappoint our own potentials. They are here inside ourselves. Bear with the pain, give it a little bit more push and the time will come when you can be proud of yourself.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

mismatched ideas

I was shadowing Mr Flynn, consultant in urology, in his clinic last week. In between patient, he turned to me an ask casually, "so, what's your ambition?"

I was, huh? What did I heard? Doesn't he know that I'm in my third year of medical school? "Sorry? What do you mean?" I chose to ask.

"Yeah, what are you going to be when you grow up?" Again? Am I a child?

"I mean, are you going to be a doctor or something else..." he continued.

The doors are still open. We are not dictated by the position or situation we are in, we make use of the present to create our dream future. Don't lock up ourselves in an open field. The toughest walls are in our heads. If we can't even control our whims, we tend to lose control of ourselves. But, it is not something then take over ourselves... I believe it is just our neglected potential just flew further and further...

Yes, the road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places. If we fail to keep going on, fight the devil in our mind, we'll end up giving up for a cheap bargain. Ah, if only we see the value of finishing the race...

The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't. ~Henry Ward Beecher

drowning in pebbles!

Michaelmas Term Examination is just around the corner. I have no right to complain of anything. Situation is bad for everyone, favouring nobody. So, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going...

There's many big problems all around us. So many that it is hard to decide which one is the hardest. But, it's actually not important to do so. While it is true that first thing should come first, the problem will not be there at the first place if the culprit called procrastination is nowhere near us. How true the saying that goes...

Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain.

Monday, November 19, 2007

keep swimming, swimming, swimming...

Planning can be fun, stressful, tedious, exciting or any other feeling. It is good to be able to plan because as the saying goes, fail to plan is plan to fail. As always, it's not as straightforward as it says. Putting the plan into action is like the unseen part of an iceberg. It's huge and it's veeeeeeery heavy!

Phew! Need to move on...

Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use. ~Earl Nightingale

Sunday, November 18, 2007

so much of relativity

Success. Every single being on earth want to be successful in all aspects. However, success itself is a relative term. My definition of success is more likely than not to be different from yours. As it occur to most of relative terms, nobody can be so wrong after all.

Our definition of success is like our system of belief. It is shaped by our environment; how we were brought up, who are we living with, where do we get our education, so on so forth... Thus, each of us can come up with our very own definition of success. Some people even have specific definition for specific areas of life namely their career, family, social life, spiritual development and health.

So, how good it can be to be able to define success? Or, is it so bad to be undecided over what we precisely want in the future? A competitive game like soccer would be an overused example. You can't decide where to kick the ball if you don't even know where the goalpost is. The audiences as well as the players won't be who won and who had lost. Furthermore, the game will not be as fun as it can be when the score can be counted. See, it's not so bad to have some sort of measurement.

Life is a game after all. The game that you play against yourself. Your family, your friends, your boss, the traffic jam, the deadlines, the rain etc etc are all here to make the game worthwhile. It's a generous game as you can enjoy whatever you score even before the game is over.

I choose to enjoy this game that I'm playing. And I welcome those who want to add fun for me to experience. And, I want to win, my own way...

My game, my rule, my victory... ah, whatever it may takes!

One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it. ~Sidney Howard

superiority complex

Unberably irritaing as it sounds, but could it be as dangerous as its opposite?

While inferiority complex was well accused for human being failure to achive excellence, dragging down one's potential to fly high, superiority is another question. It is not going to as straight forward as the opposite of inferiority complex due to the reason it deals with slightly different component of success.

Overconfident is a problem. It can be as destructive as low self esteem. By and large, these complexes will affect the social relationship the most. More likely than not, both are not likeable. However, how mass community are misusing such a big psychological label on other people are surprising. If we were to look up the meaning of superiority complex or inferiority complex from the psychologist point of view, then only we come to realisation how cruel we had been all this while.

Labelling in any kind just don't really help.

snob (n)
a person regarded as arrogant and annoying

the edge of ageing

When you reach certain age, you just know that enough is enough. Beautifully said yet very hard to make use of it. It left too many questions lingering in the air... when? what? how? who?

Experience does make us a better person, depending on which aspect we would like to view ourselves. To the very least, experience makes us richer with stories to tell our children and grandchildren.

The clock is ticking and time is running away...
People don't get wiser simply by siiting by their window, see the world passing by, judge this is right and that is wrong, make a quick mental note about the dos and don'ts... No. We have to hit the road, do some experimental journeys, get dirty and then we will be in the position to tell. Ah-ha, at least the famous "don't do it like I did" !

All the so-called "secrets of success" will not work unless you do. ~Author Unknown

Friday, November 16, 2007

the shepherd & the wolf

No sympathy. No help.

Nobody can make themselves belief in the known liar. Ah, of course nobody is free from mistake. But these mistakes, especially those deliberately repeated again and again are too hard to be disregard.

What am I going to do when facing this kind of people? Am I going to pretend as if I do believe in whatever they're saying or do I make way for myself? Excuse me, you're pain in the neck.

Another thing is, forgiveness usually can only be given to those seeking for it. Can we actually forgive somebody who don't even bother to stop bothering us? We can if we want to...

Thursday, November 15, 2007

unnecessary distress

How many people are trapped in frustration when the fact is their lives are way better than most of their counterparts?

It is indeed a very delicate balance. No doubt it is extremely difficult to walk all the thin lines in our everyday life. Every little thing that we do need a careful judgement. If only we do particularly care of looking perfecto.

Its amazing that different individuals got different beliefs on things and issues. Doesn't the diversity of this world have anything to teach us at all? May be all we need is to pause every now and then, to look around... take a deep breath in... before we move on with a clearer head and more relief feeling.

We are human after all. It is not an excuse. It's an honour. The honour that makes us special, make us 'human'. We dream, we rush to get it, make mistake, learn from it, stumble again, stand up, wipe the dirt and keep going...

"Some people just value their life too much..." it was said by a significant man in a conference earlier this week. There's truth in his saying. Many of us ended went a bit too far in getting ouselves a better life. What is a good life in the first place? Don't think of a perfect life when you not have a crystal clear definition of it. Too bad, all this while we lived in other people's illusion.

take in some responsibility!
People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them. ~G.B. Shaw, Mrs. Warren's Profession, 1893

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

more to love :x

it was a bad day within and the sky seemed to agree with me.

i managed to get around some odds, avoiding the unpleasant feeling inside by vanishing from the scene... and i also did some good job. it was a mini achievement i would choose to say. got out of the deadly well and climbed out to the bright world.

okay, i know i have a long, long way to go. even though i seem to move very very slowly, i am aware that i want to make the progress. i want it, i want it. this diseases that mercilessly eating me both inside-out and outside-in got to go for real. i will be a healthy girl. i will.

o allah, please help your little girl here. help me to grow up to be a lady you love in this world and hereafter. ameen...

i lost count of his blessings. indeed i am a damn lucky girl here. i only need to be more grateful, value myself more, be strong and love more. definitely there's more to love!

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

i am good

i've got to believe this. no question. i am good.

enough frustation seeing the opprtunities flew in front of my very own eyes simply because i don't sell my ability, my potential. the world we live today is all about business. in business, advertisement is of utmost importance. in fact, big companies spent an enormous portion of their profit in advertisement. why? to get even more...

ah, better go back to classroom and face the suturing thingy!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

life is short!

yes, life is short.

so many wishes, so many dreams...
yet so much time wasted on dreaming.

seeing the glass half empty, i would feel like a failure.
wish i had done so many things
wish i can do even more good
wish i will achive greatness
it goes round and round
and i continue feeling like a failure!

lets see the glass half full, i hear you say.
things i've done are my stepping stones
things wish to do are my aspirations
greatness is a pure motivation
and there's always light at the end of the tunnel...