iron-coated gold

My life is full of irony (of course I only have the right to talk about my life). At least, it is true to my mind. I don't always like things that happened to me. Sometimes, I don't just don't like them, I hate them. Ironically, the more I hate them, the more I know deep down that they gonna stay with me... until I like, or to the very least accept them. Then only, I am free.

Why?
God knows. But, how much I suffer, I thanked Him for that. Life is full of things I don't like (to say it in a polite way for once) so I think He wants me to learn to be thankful from the very very bottom of my heart. It was a hard lesson. I took (do I have choice?) the subject for years but never completed to this day. I enjoy learning anyway.

Sometimes it can be funny though. Most of the time I end up liking the things I hated for so long. Haha. Good for me. I wish eventually I will enjoy the things I've been dreading all this while. Not a mere dream. I will.

However, I noticed a problem. Or, maybe my best friend noticed it first... I'm not sure, but it's not that important. Lets focus on the problem. The problem is I cannot make myself freely like something. More often than not, my desires are overcome by fear, all sorts of fear. For something I wish to have, I fear of disappointment. For the thing I wanted to achieve, I fear of failure. For a game I wish to play, I fear of being fooled. Urgh, I've got fear for everything!

By far, I think this is the worse... even for the things I already have, I fear of losing them.

Again, it's an irony~ I enjoy the game I supposed to lose.
Because if I lose, that's it.
But, if I win... I am above expectation.
~ a happy pathetic!