messy mind

I find it hard to write in this blog. I feel like I have no direction. Yes, nothing but personal here. Yet, what do I want to tell who? Hmm, who? Ehehe... my very own self and my lil sis (true until now)... I do have the plan to tell my best friend about this modest blog. Haha, she could be mad if she found out that I waited until almost two months to tell her. Sorry dear.

A question here, did I challenge myself too much? More than I can ever take?
The answer: logically, nothing big was put on my shoulder, nothing that I couldn't possibly bear.

But, can't you see? I am crippling. Every single day was like a punishment. While everything on the outside seemed unbelievably happy to be on my side, everything just very wrong within. I could not even come to term with myself. It was like a denied conflict, a creeping disease, eating me inside out. Whooaa, sooo scary!

This far that I have came, this much that I have achieved, I just cannot deny that I missed my old naive hadworking self. If only we can keep what we had and gain what we want at the same time! *sigh*

The tension of the opposites~ it is.