wanna be with you

You know I want to be with you
go through this lesson of life
sharing with you what I've gone through
so that you don't have to make the same mistake
learning from you what you have learned
so that I can face the world more confidently
exploring the unknown together
so that we can become richer, wiser

Missing the time we are together,

I love you all...

gotcha!

It was the first phone call in two weeks. She was not on top of her world these days, neither do he.
"Sorry, I'm not in the mood to talk. I'm very tired" He said just after a few minutes of talking over the phone.
"It's okay. I understand. You take care there, have a good rest." She hung up.

How could a hesitancy to carry out this kind of conversation can lead to a relationship breakdown?

And why is it harder to be empathic and offer your understanding to the the most important person to you?

... Naah, it won't happen to me, the caring and selfless person I know. Heh, until it happen to you!

We are not somebody we think until we had been challenged. Are we caring enogh for others when we ourselves are tired, sad, depressed, disturbed? Are we able to push ourselves forward to help others when we are in pain, denied, discriminated, losing our ends?

And, how could you manage to do that with some people and you simply lose your ground with the others?

Ergh~

p/s: hey Mal, be tough my boy!

messy mind

I find it hard to write in this blog. I feel like I have no direction. Yes, nothing but personal here. Yet, what do I want to tell who? Hmm, who? Ehehe... my very own self and my lil sis (true until now)... I do have the plan to tell my best friend about this modest blog. Haha, she could be mad if she found out that I waited until almost two months to tell her. Sorry dear.

A question here, did I challenge myself too much? More than I can ever take?
The answer: logically, nothing big was put on my shoulder, nothing that I couldn't possibly bear.

But, can't you see? I am crippling. Every single day was like a punishment. While everything on the outside seemed unbelievably happy to be on my side, everything just very wrong within. I could not even come to term with myself. It was like a denied conflict, a creeping disease, eating me inside out. Whooaa, sooo scary!

This far that I have came, this much that I have achieved, I just cannot deny that I missed my old naive hadworking self. If only we can keep what we had and gain what we want at the same time! *sigh*

The tension of the opposites~ it is.

laugh out loud

I was surprised of myself. I didn't bother to write in this blog for 4 days? Hmm, I guess it was not because nothing interesting happened these days, but there are just too much!

I messed up with a relatively new friend just few minutes after we talk casually. Reason? Nothing very clear inflicted. But, I believe the 'nothing very clear' was the cause... Now, my mind cleared up a bit since we have resolved the problem, at least at the moment. I know, the time will come when I mess up once again, and again... because that's just me. I create conflict when things are unbelievably smooth. Urgh, how do I make friend this way?

p/s: I apology for the things I say. There's some truth in them, but I must have said them I in misleading ways which add on the mess to the whole thing.

Next, the hospital. Oh, it's my saviour. Saved me from damaging myself even further. Wake up, enough damage done, ding dong!!

Last night I read an entry in our batch website. Hmm, Licence to Wed? I looked up for the movie and watched it, fell asleep halfway through, and continue watching the last bit this morning. Not too bad... it left me few big questions on relationship, with nobody to answer. Well, I watched it all alone, no right to complaint =p

Yes, reality hurts. Reality make you stand on the unfirm ground, shake your stability, challenge your certainty, mock your sense of ability and these and those... Yet, only a coward refuse to live in reality. All others wanted it real. Just because... it's real. Do I need more reason?

Ah, why do I still feel guilty here? Something is not right, not right...

p/s: thank you for letting go

new year resolution

Alhamdulillah, I woke up this morning feeling better than I had expected. Even though I still cough quite a lot and my throat a bit sore, I feel much better today. Most importantly, I got my voice back... praise be to Allah.

So, since my voice is almost back to normal today, I called my sister for more than two hours (phew!), my family in Malaysia and I tried to call my brother. Hmm, he was still unreachable. An unresolved mystery...

Next, I laid down my target for the year 2008. I actually had a few copies of target and plan which I drew every now and then. But, I think a new year would make a good turning point for something... that's what I read in motivational book.

In the end, I make up three resolution for this year. Specific enough for me to act on (not the vague "I wanna be a better person") yet universal enough to be put on the wall (hehe, I wouldn't be poking at my own privacy, would I?).

And one more thing. Here they are, my AZAM 2008:
1) Jadi rajin - buang sikap malas
2) Hargai masa - kurangkan masa online
3) Gigih berusaha - jangan pernah putus asa

1) Be hardworking - get rid of laziness
2) Appreciate my time - reduce time spent online
3) Persevere - never ever give up!

Bismillahirrahmanirrahiiim...