goodbye 2007

It was a colourful year; smiles, laughter, sweat, tears, hatred, anger, forgiveness, conflicts, understanding, friendship, love, mistakes, accomplishments, everything!

Talk about new year resolution, honestly, I can't really recall my azam 2007. But, a friend of mine remind me that one of them was to be more in control of my emotion. It was so broad of a definition. In one way, there are things that I am more able to control. In other way, there's still room for improvement. Many big rooms should I say...

All in all, I am proud and happy to say that 2007 was better than 2006... alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah. Still, I need to improve a lot of things. What are my new year resolutions for 2008? Hehe, yet to be discovered...

I leave 2007 with cough, sore throat, myalgia, chest pain and more-than-a-week plumbing problem in the house... and I need a good rest tonight.

Old year out, new year in... I'm opening the door for a better & more meaningful life!

Good nite~

the jewish phenomenon

This book was written by Steven Silbiger where he outlined and discussed the 7 secret of Jewish successes. More important, Silbiger makes clear that these seven "secrets" are not secret at all and are equally at the disposal of Jews and non-Jews alike. The amazing success of the Jews simply proves that they work. In The Jewish Phenomenon, Silbiger takes readers—Jewish and non-Jewish alike—beyond the myths and stereotypes and identifies and explores the seven core principals of Judaism that have led Jews to success in business, law, finance, media, entertainment, science and the arts.

His seven principals, outlined in detail through seven chapters of his book, include:
1) Understanding that real wealth is portable; it's knowledge;
2) Taking care of your own;
3) Finding the right career – as a professional or entrepreneur;
4) Learning to be selectively extravagant but prudently frugal;
5) Taking pride in individuality and encouraging creativity;
6) Developing your chutzpah, your verbal confidence; and
7) Being psychologically driven to achieve.

This book was mentioned by Dr Azlisham Mohd Nor in his talk What Makes A Great Muslim Student on November the 3rd 2007 at ICCI Clonskeagh. He is our President of IMAM UKEire and also a Consultant Neurologist and Head of Cerebrovascular Service & Research United Kingdom.

I have not found let alone read this book. It cost about 24.00 USD (that's what the website told me). May be I can consider this to be in my reading list... someday.

p/s: prioritise!

my reasons

Why do I blog? Being me, I would rather doing nothing than do something non-beneficial. The idea of laziness was and still so profound, dictating my action again and again... But, why do I blog?

The initial reasons were: first, I am in the need of improving my English. Mostly my speaking skills but I think it was a good idea to start with my writing skills since it has been a long time for me not practising my written English (yes, except for those dry academic purposes)... I believe I don't have to explain why I do need to acquire these skills. Those who know my current situation, my background and my personality will agree.

Secondly, I need to let go. There are times I felt like my chest gonna burst with emotions that I could not express very easily. I have to admit that not all my emotions are valid. Some of them are real, some are just exaggerated, and some are simply childish! But, I have to manage my emotion. It's ruling me... too bad, I'm a girl.

Time passed, people change, I change, even the reasons may change, new reasons added... world change because we, human beings are dynamic, more than able to cope, to rule.

Progress always involves risks. You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first. ~Frederick B. Wilcox

the wall of shame?

It is ten in the morning. The second day of my return from PUISI and day 14 of my winter holiday. So far, I enjoyed my holiday. I am almost satisfied with what I've done during the hols. Ah, definitely the reality is so far from my utopia, but that's what I did, being me.

Next, I want to lay my action plan. My new year resolution... Ehem, I should get very excited about this. Even though this is not the first time I plan for a new year resolution, this year and next year, I want to take it seriously. Really serious that I won't forget it by February! Ahaha... pity me, I honestly can't recall my 2007's resolution (did I have one, erk?).

So, what I'm going to do is to put it on the wall. Considering myself as quite private person, I had a discussion on this with a friend of mine on the bus to Mount Melleray last week. She suggest that I put in on the inner side of my cupboard door... Then I was thinking, is it sooo bad to have a new year resolution, to be a better person, that I should be ashame on it?

I leave it here...

To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. ~Bertrand Russell

what's your colour?

I need to come to accept that a person is not as simple a colour. Not even close to a shade of a colour. He or she MUST be far more complex than that. All colours of the rainbow, blend together in a special way, to create an individualised pattern, like our own fingerprint.

Ah, obvious as it may seem... That was he fact that every mature being know. Hehe, there come my excuse; I'm not mature yet. It's like you think you understand something until you are challenged. That's why we have exams in school. To actually differentiate those who truly understand the gists of the study from those who understood wrongly, just pretend to understand or simply don't bother at all.

This simple understanding in fact can have a significant impact in our social life as a whole. Needless to say, it affect the way we interact, the way we view and handle a relationship, and it even influence our communication policy.

Most importantly, our understanding of a person's personality may largely influence the way we view ourselves; our past, our present and our potential that can be our future. And, this is crucial as what we see is what we get.

What we see is what we get.

aidiladha

10th of Dzul Hijja is another celebration for us, Muslims around the world.

Tomorrow is Eid ul-Adha or I usually say it Aidiladha. To be honest, I never truly celebrate Aidiladha deep to its meaning. Maybe because I was too young to understand before, then when I got older, I was so involved with the preparation at my kampong that I did not celebrate what I'm preparing for, then I flew to Dublin, also distracted to attend some other things somewhere else.

This year, I am on holiday and I'm home (I mean my house in Dublin). So, I want to celebrate Aidiladha. Celebrate it the way I want it to be this year. I want to do something for the Allah during the Eid. May my deeds accepted.

Another thing.

We decided to cook something for the Eid. It started out as a simple 'nasi goreng'. Hehe, mind you, we only cook dinner most days. Other meals? Bread and butter, chips, or maybe sandwich...

So, what's the menu turned out to be? 'Nasi ayam' and caramel pudding. Not as fancy as you can get back home (Malaysia) but it was an effort since all my housemates have classess tomorrow. Pity Kak Zura, she was so sleepy towards the end of the mini 'rewang'. She must be very tired from the hospital. And Kak Niza, a bit reluctant initially but she stayed till the end, give the first time try on caramel pudding. And I? Did as a junior would do... 'pemerhati berdaftar' and happily lend a hand whenever needed. And, I learn.

~Happy mood~

Alhamdulillah...

are you afraid of the dark?

The clock is spinning. Somehow I believe it spins faster these days. Everything seems to change their definition of moving. No more leisure stroll, things simply run. Even my heart seems to keep up with the world. It pounds faster. I can hardly distract myself from every beat it makes. At least it does show something..."Alhamdulillah, I am alive."

But I felt left out. Time is running up. And I am still indecisive upon my destination. Where am I heading to? What do I really do with my life?

I am scared. So scared that I can't make any good of helps offered to me. It's like saving a struggling drowning person. And it takes long. Longer than I can bear. So long that I keep forgetting what I've been struggling for. And each time I recall, I became more afraid than ever.

How do I save myself?

This was not a new question. A question I had not been able to answer satisfactorily. Until this very day, I keep searching for an answer. The answer that I can hold on to, that I am able and will continuously able to hold on to for the rest of my life.

It's not easy. In fact, some days it becomes harder and even more blurred than it had been. I was lost, and every time I thought I have found some lights... I got a black out.

I think. I read. I observe. I write. I speak out.
But I am left in the fog most of the time.
May I just let go and go..?
No. Not yet.
Not yet.
No.

Fear is a darkroom where negatives develop. ~Usman B. Asif

send me to the sky

I watched a few movies this weekend...

Nana Tanjung. Enchanted. Mancari Arah Kiblat. A Walk To Remember.

And I left exhausted!

Not so much from the sitting down, keeping my eyes open upon the monitor screen and waiting for them to download when the connection was a bit slow (I have to be very grateful here that the broadband service we take is worth paying)...

My head spins. I'm tired thinking of so many diverse issues that the movie producers are trying to feed me, and the whole wide world. So? Argh..!

Can't I just keep to myself? I don't want to think. It's tiring. I hate it.
But it's me. I love to think and daydream eversince I can think. Thinking makes me sad, depressed, dissappointed... it is the pessimist mind I'm having here.

But you know what?
I am changing. I have changed. A lot. You have no idea how bad things were. A few steps ahead and I'd be grant. If I can continue fighting over this devil, one day I'll be flying. And I definitely more than happy to send other people (especially my love ones) to the sky...~

Good Luck!

the tension of opposites

"Have I told you about the tension of opposites?"
The tension of opposites?
"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn’t. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted. A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."
Sounds like a wrestling match.
"Yes, you could describe life that way."
So which side wins?
"Love wins. Love always wins."

It was a conversation between an old dying professor (Morrie Schwartz) and a long-lost student (Mitch Albom), recorded in a biography I mentioned a few days earlier... Tuesdays with Morrie.

Indeed it was a beautiful book. I won't take it as a life guide but it is a book worthy to ponder upon. I believe things are the way we see it. Our brain can only tell us what we believe to see. And our mind is as complex as our brain. So, start with an open mind and enjoy the journey this old man wanted to share with us. A painful journey where suffering just became more intense and a deadly destiny awaits... but he did not stop giving. Because he believes, giving makes us living.

Learn with an open heart, you never know which bit will touch and move you.

Love wins. Love always win.

it's shopping time!

Exam is over. Don't want to talk about it...yet. Surely I have to do my own 'marking' over my effort during the Michaelmas i.e fall term. Ah, 'fall' term?

But now, it's shopping time.
Take it literally. Take it deeply.
I'm on my way...

Realising the limited money & 'money' in my purse, I've got to plan as wise as I can. Hm, doesn't sound that wise, am I? What I'm trying to do is sensible buying. If the sale doesn't suit me, don't buy it... regardless of how appealing it is. See, it's easier said than done.

p/s: I got my long-hunted book: Tuesdays with Morrie. Bought it yesterday and I'm halfway through. Ehe, sometimes you just got to feed your addiction :x

Morrie said,
Shouldn't the world stop? Don't they know what has happened to me?

...more to come~